People don't live in the suburbs, do they?

I hope today's strip has taught everyone a lesson: There's traffic in the suburbs, too! I know, I know, you're all shocked. But nobody would go to a movie in the suburbs on what's probably a weekend night! you think.

Dear reader, I know. It's almost as though people who live in the suburbs for some reason don't want to trek down into the closest city to see a movie. I don't understand it either.

I also don't really understand where Lula and Alf live. Is this some sort of artsy film they want to see? Otherwise, why do they have to drive a half hour to see a movie? If they live close enough to a "downtown," they should probably be closer than a half hour from a movie theater. Although I suppose traffic (particular the traffic on Long Island, where Jericho, NY, is located)could add up.

But really, in general, why would anyone think, ever, that a movie theater in the suburbs would be empty? Has this person ever been to the 'burbs?

Actually, the real question is why is everyone still standing in line when the "Sold out" sign is up. I refuse to believe that more than just the one movie ("Purple Love"?) is playing. Look at the marquee!

I want the old register to go "Ch-chunk!"

"You're asking...we're showing..."? Really? Clearly the highlight of today's strip because really, nobody's asking. Most of us have dealt with high-tech cash registers. Most of us know how long they take, and trust me, it's not long enough for cobwebs to form.

Unless the highlight is the fact that that wacky modern register is literally in the shape of an anvil. I feel like that's almost too clever for TDIET, really.

Seriously, is this really a problem? I've never encountered anything like it. If anything, the problem probably isn't the machine, but the person working the machine. I have no doubt that ol' Ferd himself is working the register, and he has much more incentive to keep his customers happy than Oddly Formal Checkout Guy at the Big Store.

A tire hitting my car is not my fault

I love the name of the repair shop in today's strip--Perko Body Repair. Awesome. Though I will say that the guy working there certainly doesn't look terribly perky. I'm not sure whether "You Know Who" who sent this in has ever actually dealt with having insurance pay for a repair. Because it's certainly not as if you can just tack things on the way Gus seems to be doing. I will say that I understand the desire, though; we do pay a lot for car insurance, so it would be nice to have them pay for other random things. I can't quite complain myself, though; I switched insurance, and within 6 months managed to rack up something like $3000 worth of damage to my car. Whoops.

Anyway, no. And is that weird shape behind the headlight supposed to be the dent? Because how in the world would you dent your car there? Makes no sense. And why is the Perko Worker so upset with Goosegg trying to rip off the insurance company? I suppose that if the company found out, they could come down on Perko, but I can't imagine that this guy hasn't seen it before. I imagine that look should be him sighing and rolling his eyes, not glaring about it.

Love Gus's tie, though.

A manure joke would've made this funnier

I guess in today's strip we're supposed to get upset over the guy using the Latin names for the plants. And I wouldn't know that except for the blue guy at the bottom with his "balonius galoreum." Really, the questioner had to know what he was getting into. He clearly knew that Humusby is an avid gardener, and like most people who are really interested in a subject, Humusby likes to talk about it. It would be like someone coming up to me, knowing that I really like musical theatre, and asking me what I think of Les Mis. Or, knowing that I'm a history buffy, asking me about Thomas Jefferson or John Wilkes Booth. Get ready for the long haul, folks. I mean, sure, I might try to control myself, but it doesn't always work.

And at least Humusby is giving interesting little descriptions of the plants. The questioner can be like, "Oh, the bubarossius agrivatus sounds nice--not much care, you say? Does it have a more common name?" Or is that being too polite and logical for this strip?

What I keep coming back to is the picture of the questioner. He reminds me of the cartoons of Washington Post columnist Gene Weingarten. Naturally I can't find one of these cartoons at the moment, but that's frequently how he's pictured. To the point where I almost want to e-mail it to Gene for his thoughts. I mean, this guy doesn't look like the typical inhabitant of TDIET. But who knows.

Edited to say that I found one of the cartoons! Compare for yourself here.

Seriously, folks. You don't want to get me started on John Wilkes Booth.

Who wears neon pink to go golfing?

Well, nothing about today's strip applies to me, because I don't play golf. I've played a few miniature golf courses that had sand traps, but nothing like this. Clearly, if that was the "perfect blast," the ball wouldn't have wound up where it did.

It seems mean of Al to laugh at him in the bottom expo. And really, Al, you're the one who has to use an arror and a "Here it is" to be able to illustrate where a golf ball landed, so maybe you shouldn't talk.

And honestly, if this happens every time a person plays, maybe that person should just give up on golf.

Invest him to the moon

Maybe it's just that I'm oddly cranky today, but today's strip totally makes me want to smack someone around. So much stupidity. Look, Al, there's a difference between being able to analyze financial investments and being able to divide. Knowing about how to invest does not make you a "mathematical whiz." (I'm rereading Confessions of a Shopaholic at the moment, about a financial columnist who can't manage her own money, which is more ironic than this situation.)

And where the heck is Theo a columnist? Between the typewriter (*sigh*) and the light hanging precariously over his desk, I can't imagine that it's for any sort of major newspaper or magazine, despite the assertion that he advises "millions." Right. Seriously, what has a circulation of millions? I thought for a moment that perhaps he's freelance (ooh, he might be syndicated!) and is working from home, but how does he get those columns in? I refuse to believe he has a fax machine, and what editor would accept a column that was faxed in?

And really, what financial columnist refuses to get with the times like this? How can "adequate returns" be "bullish"? Are these all for the same column?

This makes no sense. And I really don't feel like even having to think about finance stuff at the moment. I will say that those are some darn cheap oranges, though. And way to dress up to go to the grocery store, Theo.

Adult programming

Am I supposed to feel bad for Junior in today's strip? Really? Darn that mother for wanting her child to complete his homework before allowing him to watch television! This way he'll get a good education! Really, if his homework takes him so long that only "dumb grown-up programs" (psst, Al, most of us normal people call them "shows"), then he should probably be going to bed, because those shows aren't coming on until 9 or 10--it's a medical program, shockingly enough, and Grey's Anatomy and House come on at 9 (I think; I don't actually watch House) and ER comes on at 10.

I think Junior's complaint isn't so much that only grown-up programs are on (psst, Al, there's this thing called "cable" that many people have, allowing for more than just 4 channels), it's that his parents are monopolizing the television. And again, this isn't something I'm going to come down on. I think my parents pretty much let my sister and me decide what to watch, but I also got stuck with Wall Street Week on a somewhat regular basis. And God help you if you wanted to watch something other than MacGyver when it was on. Really, the parents pay for the tv. They pay for the cable (or, if there isn't cable, then the electricity at least). I'm going to yield to them.

If there is more than one television and they do have cable...then I don't know what to tell Junior. He either needs to expand his horizons or...I don't know.

Times in my life I've dealt with my house being on the market: 3

Today's strip gets kudos for including my car and Fignewt. And...that's about it.

"Their old homestead"? Are they in Oklahoma in the mid-19th century? It's a house. Or a home. And I imagine they did jump for joy. Selling a house is a pain in the butt. You always have to keep it fairly neat and clean, because who knows when someone's going to show up to look at it. You get kicked out so realtors can show it. And it's weird trying to make plans when you're not sure when you'll be moving. There's really nothing enjoyable about selling a house, and I'm not even mentioning people coming into your house and making snide comments about it.

On the other hand, I can also understand driving by the old house and sighing over it. And really, who knows what their situation is now? Maybe they moved into a place that turned out to be crappy. It's entirely possible that they didn't realize how small apartments can be, and just miss having the room. And if this conversation is anything like ones I've had, as soon as they get past it, Lula will say, "Yeah, but remember what a pain it was shoveling the driveway?" and Fignewt will say, "Yeah, that was awful. And our utility bills are so much lower now!" And then they'll both forget about it.

I mean, I sigh over places I used to live...for about two seconds. And we're talking about places I was all too happy to leave. Such is life.

Return to sender

There is a sad lack of squid in today's strip. Also no car. Sometimes I wonder why I even read this strip.

Junk mail. How original! But really, for all these people know, a bunch of their junk mail could be lost! Maybe they should be getting tons more! I'm inclined to think so, actually, because all of the junk mail is listed to "Occupant." Very little of the junk mail I get is sent to "Occupant"; most of it is sent to me. It's just for stuff I don't want. They're called "mailing lists," Al, and most of us are cursed by them.

Even so, he's not kidding when he says that these people are getting junk mail by the bushelful. Geez. I feel bad for the mailman; he's just doing his job, and this guy is glaring at him. Really, why are these people so mad? Isn't junk mail something we've just resigned ourselves to at this point? I guess he's mad because they still haven't gotten "that important letter [he's] been waiting for...two weeks now." But man, even when I've been waiting for a check, I don't get angry at the mail.

And if someone wants to enlighten me about how this is a "sign of the times," please do. Did they not get junk mail pre-1956?

Squid you to the moon!

Today's strip almost makes me think Al reads this blog and is just throwing things in there to make us happy. Squid? Pan-fry his butt? Though, clearly, if he were reading, he'd know that he should've written "The urge to pan-fry his butt to the moon" to make us really happy. And throw in my favorite car. But even though the content, not surprisingly, is dumb, I'm still smiling.

I find it amusing two days ago we had Waitress Wendy, and now we have Waitress Winnie. And the two look suspiciously alike. (Twins? Or is just required that all waitresses have large blond curly hair?) And, psst, Al, it's not required that people's names start with the same first letter as their profession. Did you notice that the woman who sent this in was a waitress named Tessie?

Looking at this closer, I'm now kind of confused by the whole strip. Theoretically these are two different meals--steak and soup vs. pan-fried squid rigoletto--which would probably happen on different days. Yet the diner is wearing the same outfit, and the waitress is upset with him. I guess she remembers him complaining at a previous meal? Bizarre.

And honestly, the diner isn't complaining about the service in the top panel, he's complaining about the food. And he's not blaming the waitress, other than wondering how she can serve it. Nothing there is against her.

This strip just totally came apart for me. So sad.

And why is that red rag so emphasized in both panels?

Well, that was a bold move of Dragbutt in today's strip: buy a cordless phone! And those wacky, wacky cordless phones--so easy to lose! (I'll ignore the fact that the base of most, if not all, cordless phones have a button to push so the handset beeps, letting you know where it is.) Wow, this sure is cutting-edge humor! Oh, wait. It's not 1987? Hmm. That puts a damper on things. I mean, even the updated version of this (Kid with cell phone: "I lose it all the time! If only there was a phone with a cord, so I wouldn't lose my phone!") is old.

And I know I've seen it before in this strip, but no child would ever say anything like, "Oh, Mommy--What Papa said!" What Al is looking for is, "Did you hear what Dad said?!" And really, Dragbutt has some anger management issues if he gets that upset about being unable to find the phone. It doesn't even seem like it's ringing, so really, he could just use a phone with a cord.

I'd suggest that Mrs. Dragbutt and Dragbutt Jr. get out while the getting's good.

Movie and a dinner

I didn't even think about TDIET yesterday, but I got bored watching the Golden Globes, so thought I'd check it out. And I just need to make a quick comment on yesterday's strip. I was impressed with it, not because of any genius in the strip itself, but more because it didn't go the way I expected it to. After the top panel, I was convinced that they would get there and then have to sit through previews and commercials. Of course, that might be a bit too logical, because God knows enough people complain about them. (I don't. I love previews. I could live without the commercials, though.) I do enjoy all the people around Arfo who clearing aren't enjoying his snoring. Hey people, you could always just wake him up!

On to today's strip. I hate it when Al sets up strips like this--"Find the couple blah blah blah." It just brings out my sarcastic side. Well, gee, Al, I don't know! Who could it be? I'm thinking it's that guy in the right side of the strip who is glaring at the couple in the middle, possibly because the waitress, instead of saying, "I'll be back in a minute" and going to help him, is just wasting her time standing at the couple's table. Waitress Wendy, they're not going to leave much of a tip anyway, so you're just inconveniencing everyone by standing there.

Naturally, though, I'm in love with the food options not found on the menu--goulash, squid (yes!!! I get to use the squid tag again), knockwurst, scrod. Excellent. What kind of restaurant do they think they're in?

Doesn't "Your repairman" seem oddly affectionate?

Today's strip recalls the strip from November 4, only this time, the repair person comes early. Really, the safest thing to do if you're supposed to have any sort of repair person coming to your house is to just stay home until he or she arrives. You'll just save yourself a lot of hassle. And I'm sure you can think of things to do around the house until that time comes.

My big question is, Do refrigerators go on the blink? That would be kind of disturbing. Because that affects all the food you have in the fridge. I actually freaked out the other night when I discovered that my refrigerator wasn't running (...at least I didn't have to go catch it!). Then I realized that I had just tripped a circuit (apparently it was the George Foreman Grill that sent it over the edge), so it all worked out OK. But there was this moment of freaking out--What if the fridge was broken? I'd hope that that would be more of an emergency repair; it doesn't seem like something that they'd allow to wait, really.

Love that in the excessively large expo box, Scaduto had to clarify that by "12" he meant "noon." Because of all those refrigerator repair guys who come at midnight. Anyway, that's not how it is. So...shut up, Al.

When promptness bites you on the butt

My big question about today's strip is, Why do Barfo and Lula look so surprised to be getting a dinner invitation? Perhaps the amazement is that they actually received it in the mail. Do people send invitations through the mail anymore? I mean, maybe for, say, weddings and baby or bridal showers. In any case, the open-mouthed shock of Barfo is a bit over-the-top. And looking at the invite, perhaps the problem is that the Crovneys don't actually put a date on the invitation. Are the guests supposed to guess?

But no, this has never happened to me. Sure, I've gotten to places where the host is still putting the finishing touches on things, but never have I arrived to find the hostess in a robe and curlers. Obviously these people are insanely rude--telling the husband to shut the door, presumably in Barfo and Lula's faces? Also, Alf is wearing a pink undershirt under a white shirt. Does this make sense to anyone?

At least Barfo and Lula look happy in the bottom panel. (Really, what's up with the "We'll be there on time!" in the top panel? Who says that?)

I think we'll have to draw straws to break it to Al that Alf is actually the name of an alien from Melmak.

Yay, free money!

The first thing I thought of when I saw today's strip was when I won tickets to see the second Harry Potter movie the night before it opened. I got very excited. Had I not been driving at the time, I probably would've jumped around a bit myself.

My main problem with this strip, though, is that we're seeing the people at two different times. The big question is, How did the people who won $5 million react when they first found out? I'm sure that if you talked to Miss $2K the next day, she'd be pretty excited, but nowhere near how happy she is when she actually won the money (also, it appears that she had to make at least some effort, and probably just being on television--as I assume she is--would ramp up her excitement levels).

If you watch the press conferences or whatnot after someone wins the big lottery (and actually, these people didn't win the big jackpot--when compared to winnings of over $100 million, $5 million isn't that much), the people usually seem pretty dazed. These people, though, look drugged. And honestly, what do you want these people to do? Jump up and down joyfully? That'd be annoying, too.

On the positive side, at least the concept here is original.

Don't hurt my car!

It's a sad day. Today's strip seems to show that my favorite car is in need of repairs. No! I shouldn't be surprised, though, since it's at least 30 years old.

I love Alf's outfit. It's the lime green shirt and the pink backwards baseball cap. Sexy! Stylish! I mean, his rag in the back pocket matches! But honestly, another truth in advertising strip? And again, another situation I can't relate to. I don't think I've ever had to wait that long to get my car fixed. And dude, if you're not happy with it, there are other places you can take your car. Even if the car won't start, I'm pretty sure that most places will tow from one shop to another. Suck it up. Deal.

And get my car fixed, OK? I don't like seeing it broken.

Bat Boy would've made this more interesting

Apologies for the lack of posting on Friday. My computer refused to have anything to do with Gmail, and since Blogger and Gmail are now linked, it led to problems. Annoying problems. I was email deprived. (Well, you know. Deprived of one of my email accounts.)

In a shocking development, the premise of today's strip is recycled. I know! At least this one involves a woman believing a tabloid (and really, who hasn't gone through a phase with the Weekly World News?) instead of a television show--and it isn't really medical. So that's a step up.

And I love that the man has four ears. It's the picture that makes, it really. Honestly, that wouldn't cut it in the WWN (he's no Bat Boy, that's for sure). But I'm in love with the picture of him. I mean, it's HUGE!

Look at Daffia's face in the bottom panel. It's clear that she does believe what the scale says, but she's gone into sputtering denial mode. What they're not showing is that after "Not true" she sighs and wanders off, muttering about needing to lose weight. With no support from her idiotic husband. Of course, I'm not sure if I could put up with someone who actually believed the WWN, but I'm not the one who married her.

Not that it matters, but she looks thinner in the bottom panel than the top. I think it's the odd choice to illustrate her flank. Bizarre.

Arrival of the squid tag

Sorry for the delay...Blogger was being a bitca when I tried to post during lunch today.

For today's strip, at the suggestion of an anonymous poster, I'm giving in and starting a squid tag. It's necessary. At least here Scaduto is making squid appear as some totally gross food. (Calamari, mmm.) Really, I'm not a huge seafood fan, but add butter, garlic, and oregano to anything, and I start drooling. Mmm, garlic. Where was I?

While the waiter is kind of scary in the top panel (it's the eyebrows!), the diner really is out of line. But from what I've gathered, chefs don't necessarily agree to everything the diner requests. I can't really get too worked up about this, though. Maybe it's because I just ate (Chinese, mmmm) or maybe it's because I'm a bit sleepier. Or maybe because I'm at home, so am less easily annoyed than when I'm at work.

I will point out, though, that the chef brandishing that knife doesn't imply "broil." It implies "fillet." Hee! I slay me.

Brief happiness in the land of TDIET

Nothing could make the new year brighter than to start it off with Migraina in today's strip. (And yes, I realize that today is January 3, but since I didn't have to work the past two days, they don't count.)

Really, the husband's mistake was the "and it's nice" comment. It's not nice and $15 was way too much to pay for it. So Migraina heard that her husband liked the lamp, which naturally meant that an entire room like it would be OK. I find it a bit hard to believe that she would basically redo the entire room without mentioning it to her husband, but people in TDIETland are different from me. (Thank God.) The room will look like something from some horrible Victorian novel. That would be enough to make me cry, too.

The "What follows next? Heh heh. You have to ask, dear reader?" is what gets me. Really, I had no idea what would follow next. The one just doesn't progress to the other for me.

I'm just going to take comfort from the top panel, where everyone's happy and smiling. It's such a rarity.