I wouldn't get a haircut from a guy whose hair looks like Flavio's

Ah, today's strip is yet another that elicits a "Nope, never happened to me." Because, no, I've never washed my hair in a sink (particularly when there is a shower right there next to it) and I've certainly never had a hairdresser tell me that I need to wash my hair. Usually we chat a bit about what I want done, then go get it washed.

That being said, I kind of get what A. Rodsky is saying. It's like when you scrub down your apartment and then your mom comes over and is all, "The place looks nice. It'd look nicer if it had been cleaned." Or really, when anything you do is pretty much overlooked. This situation is just a lot more insulting.

Kudos to Al for the drawing of the wife in the top panel. She actually looks young. Quite a bit younger than her husband, but whatever. I have to give Al credit whenever he manages to portray someone who doesn't look 47. Also, I love the name Flavio.

But really, "topmop"? I object.

I'll take "Idiotic comic strips" for $200, Alex

Thanks for all the Christmas wishes, folks. I had a lovely time while also managing to frighten my sister with my passionate dissing of Anthony from For Better or For Worse. My sister hasn't read it in ages, and was all, "Oh, I like Anthony!" Big mistake on her part.

On to today's strip. On what game show is someone picked out of the audience like that? The only shows that I can think of that involve people being picked from the audience are shows like The Price is Right or Supermarket Sweep (man, I miss Supermarket Sweep), where it's just totally random. It's never, "Do we have any smart people? Come on down, smart person!" And really, most trivia shows are all over the board; few specialize in travel-related questions (or whatnot), and if they do, they're called Travel-Related Quiz Show (or, you know, Supermarket Sweep), not The Big Buck-a-Roo Show (and "buck-a-roo" can really be one word, Al). Any show that's giving away a quarter of a million dollars is probably one that is supposed to appeal to a general audience; hence, there is a question about popular culture. I actually took the test for Jeopardy and trust me, it had some lowbrow (well, comparatively) questions on there.

And stop glaring at the reader, Mr. Crankypants. Just because you're ancient and don't listen to what the kids these days listen to doesn't make the question an invalid one. I'm just going to assume that the wife is shocked by how befuzzled the contestant is (I'm not going to acknowledge the name Al gave him).

Why is there so much swearing in TDIETland?

The thing that most intrigues me in today's strip is the fact that Mom's hair is colorless. I'm thinking that the colorists used up all their coloring with the yellow expo box and thus didn't have time to color in Mom's hair. I find it oddly disturbing. It's possibly the juxtaposition of the very bright pink shirt.

But ack, another "Living on the edge" that doesn't fit the mold. Obviously Dad is frustrated and is taking it out on Mom, which is wrong, but I don't feel that anyone's about to get a beat-down. I think most of us have been where Dad is now, and I can feel his pain.

And need I say more about the fact that Al, for some reason, needed to add something after "Need we say more?" Nooo....enough said.

Anyway, like so many others, I'm going away for the holiday and have no idea what my computer access will be like. I should be back and posting next Thursday, though. Happy holidays!

Al gets political

Newsflash from today's strip: Politicians can be hypocritical. I know, I know. You're shocked. What? They might say something they don't mean? I'm so confused! There, there. Thank God we have Al to tell us these things.

I mean, really. Does anyone really expect the guy conceding to be all, "I'm so pissed off. I deserved it. Lugger is an idiot and a jerk"? No. And you know why? Because as soon as Nudnik says that, he gives up any hope of getting elected, because by getting mad at Lugger, he's getting mad at the people who elected Lugger. The people who, possibly, in the future, may be voting on Nudnik again.

Having said that, I love Nudnik's cadence when he's bashing Lugger. It would be slightly better if, instead of, "...is a liar--not only a liar, but a downright crook--a demagogue...a lying, crooked demagogue." It should be "Lugger is a liar. Not only a liar, but a crook. Not only a crooked liar, but a demagogue. Not only a lying, crooked demagogue, but a..." and so on. Too bad he's not giving us any reasons to think Lugger is a lying, crooked demagogue.

And...I can't type demagogue one more time. I'm almost impressed Al used it in the first place.

I am honestly going to smack Scaduto into next week

Honestly, as soon as I got to the word "bossette" in today's strip, I stopped and had to take a few deep breaths. I mean, good Lord. "Bossette"? Really? And bossette of the file room, no less. Seriously, Scaduto's disdain for women manages to generally hide itself behind the normal idiocy of the strip, but every now and then it comes out. And it really pisses me off. I can cope with everything else in the strip looking like it's from the 1960s (Mr. Honcho smoking a cigar in the file room?), but that attitude makes me want to force Scaduto to learn about the women's movement, you know? The thing is, I don't think he's making any sort of statement about women in the workplace and how they're incompetent at home--I really doubt he's wading into the culture war of moms working outside the home vs. stay-at-home moms. But that doesn't make the underlying message of this strip any better.

(I'm not even going to dignify "mucho quicko" with a response.)

And really, why should Migraina be the one to be in charge of dealing with the tax receipts if her asshat husband who is swearing at her is the one who actually does the taxes. Honestly.

Two other notes: I do like the name McFoogus. And I'm trying to figure out what that is on top of the filing cabinet. Any suggestions would be welcome.

Life in TDIET has aged Fignewt beyond his years

Wow. I guess Al got too lazy and decided that today's strip should be the strip from December 5, only using an older woman instead of a bratty teenager. And again, with the insane traffic! And the cars from the 1970s! I mean, sure, my favorite car has returned, which always makes me happy. Except I feel bad that it's stuck in such a crazy traffic jam all the time. Kudos for the color this time, at least.

Poor Fignewt. He probably looks as old at his aunt because he's always being yelled at and dealing with crazy people. I'm happy that Al hasn't made him the bad guy in a strip (...yet).

But really, we shouldn't be getting upset because someone with bad eyesight has voluntarily taken herself off the roads. It's annoying for poor Fignewt, but it makes the streets safer for the rest of us. He's taking one for the team.

And I like the bus behind him that's going to "Shad Row."

This strip is beyond comprehension and etc.

I...just don't understand today's strip. I mean, at all. I keep looking at it and going, "What? Huh? No, really--huh?" To the point where it's now getting its own label. I would love to see what J. Waddel actually sent it to Scaduto; was it really this convoluted? "Don't you hate those neighbors who bash the UN for not doing enough to stop war, but then they go out and get into a fight with their own neighbors? Happens all the time!"

I mean...OK, so the guy's saying that the UN should stop wars. But he, himself, has no problem feuding with his neighbor. I'm still not entirely sure that I find those comparable. The real story is that he's a jerkwad who likes to talk a big game about things he (most likely) has no actual knowledge of.

I will point out that the "Er-G-Gulp" noise that the neighbor is making in no way matches the neighbor's expression. Maybe it's just that his mustache points up at the end, but I keep thinking he's smiling. I love the mustache, though.

I'm also getting a bit sick of the characters who are making faces at the audience. It's like Al thinks that we need to be told how we're supposed to feel about the main character. Agh. We get it. This isn't The Office, and that guy certainly isn't Jim.

Kids say the darndest things

I'll give Al credit for today's strip; I just love the idea of kid not saying anything, then spewing all of that out. I think it's the happy expression on his face that gets me. I actually laughed. Too bad that we can't see a guy with a big, red nose, though. And neither of the women Wombo is facing looks particularly fat to me, either.

I'm trying to figure out the furniture. What exactly is it that Wombo is standing next to? I want to say a coffee table or something similar, but it's solid. An end table, maybe?

In a bit of sad news for Wombo, it looks like he doesn't age well. He goes from being a fairly cute kid (I think it's the hair) to a typical Scaduto teenager. Sad. And do small children really say "fa" instead of "fall"?

Anyway, we should just realize not to say anything like this in front of small children. If there's anything I've learned from pop culture, it's that they will speak up at the wrong time.

What does Al know about real life?

I hate strips like today's strip. I mean, I really have no reaction. Yep, I agree with it (which, OK, is a bit shocking unto itself), but it's already been pointed out a bajillion times. I mean, is anyone honestly going to read this and go, "Yeah! That does always happen! I never noticed that before." I do continue to be annoyed with Al's depiction of life on the streets. Unless you're driving in midtown Manhattan during rush hour, the street probably isn't going to look like that. And, of course, all the cars look like they belong in 1969 or so. So that's fun.

But really, I got nothin'.

Seriously, doesn't Mr. Olaf look really nice?

I love that the carpenter/builder-type person in today's strip is named Mr. Olaf. I don't know why, but for some reason, that just totally makes me happy. Yes, I need help, but you already knew that.

And I'm totally distracted from the content of the strip by the fact that they're putting in built-in bookshelves. I dream of having a place with built-in bookshelves. My ideal house has a library. It would be so lovely. In movies or tv, if I see a place with built-in bookshelves, I start to fantasize about living there. There's this house on my way to the Metro that has them and now I totally want that house. When I lived in Richmond, our family room had them, but it was filled with my dad's books. My room when I lived in Connecticut had them, but I was too young to truly appreciate them.

(Shouldn't it be "bookshelves," not "book cases"? I think of book cases as being stand-alone pices of furniture.)

Where was I? Oh, the content. Whatever. Henpecked husband, domineering wife. Blah blah blah.

They can all go get stuff to settle their stomachs, at least

After yesterday's shocking venture into Real Time (i.e., the cigarette prices were accurate for 2006), it's back to the Days of Yore in today's strip. It took me a few minutes to try and think of a place where there might be a "lunch counter" (...actually, I could stop the sentence right there, couldn't I?) and a "pill and prescription department" (or a "pharmacy," as we call it) in the same store. And then I pictured a store I used to go to after school when I was in middle school; basically a 5 and 10. We used to go to the lunch counter and it's possible there was a pharmacy. And it seems that pharmacies perhaps used to have lunch counters. But not, you know, in the last 15 years. (Or more--I'm dating this to the place I went, which closed not too long after.) Particularly employing people in those uniforms.

Anyway, I doubt that people would honestly get that upset about what the sick guy is saying. The grossest thing in there is "foot fungus" and it's not like he's describing his ailment in terrible detail. I mean, it'd be one thing if he were describing his vomit using specifics, but he's not.

I'd get more upset, but again, distracted by the "lunch counter" concept.

This comic not brought to you by Philip Morris

Oh, huzzah. Today's strip ventures back into the world of medicine. Thankfully it's not bashing the medical profession, so that's a plus. As someone with asthma, I can say that $125 for an inhaler is outrageous. I'm going to assume that either Buttbrain doesn't have insurance (although I'm not sure that my inhaler is that much even without insurance kicking in) or that this is some sort of very specialized inhaler. And he doesn't have insurance.

And do cigarettes really cost that much? I have no idea. And if they are that expensive, geez, people who smoke should never complain about not having money. Yes, yes, addiction, I realize that.

Point? Buttbrain's a jerky idiot. Maybe you wouldn't have to blow $125 on an inhaler for your son if you gave up smoking.

I'm guessing the gangster isn't saying "You dirty rat"

Today's strip asks a good question: Where does li'l Hekkie pick up those naughty words he uses? Why, cable tv, of course! (Note the conspicuous tv guide on the coffee table.) Of course, the real question here is whether we're supposed to be all, "Television! How horrible! Corrupting our children!" or whether we're supposed to note how complacently Ma and Pa Hekkie are watching the television without bothering to do anything about it. If it weren't for that "Cable TV" guide on the table and the heading of the expo box, I'd probably actually think we're supposed to be blaming the parents--Hekkie's expression and the ghost-like question mark bubble over his head seem to indicate that he's confused why his parents would be watching that in front of him. Maybe they don't notice him in the other room?

Really, it's an enigma. Maybe we're supposed to blame both negligent parenting and those bums who allow this filth on the air. Of course, it's not like Hekkie would only hear those words on tv, unless he's never allowed outside the house.

X never, ever marks the spot

I'm trying to avoid the actual content of today's strip, so I'm going to tell you a story (that perhaps I've told before, but I don't feel like searching the archives). My dad's name is Fred. A number of years ago, one of our somewhat distant cousins was graduating from high school, and sent us an announcement. On the envelope? "Ferd, [Mom], and the Grils." Fabulous!

So that, naturally, was what I thought of when I saw our protagonist's name. I will say that it's not terribly often we see an archaeologist in the comics these days. I mean, how random! Not that anything about him or what he's doing in the top strip is actually representative of archaeologists, but that's beside the point.

How random, though, that he found a bone in a chicken salad sandwich. I feel like the joke would've worked better if he had been eating fish, and found a whole pile of bones (which has happened to me).

I'm kind of amused to see the suggestion that Walter sent in. I mean, who really sits around and is like, "Wouldn't it be funny if an archaeologist never found a bone when excavating, but broke his tooth on a bone while eating?" Bizarre.

I really hope those 3 people spend all their time on the sidewalk

I love, love, love how Al aged everyone in today's strip. First guy: Lost his hair, mustache turned white. Woman: Hair turned red; looks like she may be wearing dentures. Second guy: Lost some hair, but actually looks a bit younger (probably because he's farther away). And Dimley? Slightly shorter hair, and, I believe, a single forehead wrinkle.

I'm wondering how much time is supposed to have passed. I hope to God that the top panel isn't supposed to show Dimley at 16, just after he dropped out of high school. I really hope the spectators are just dredging up ancient history. But obviously quite a bit of time has passed between the two panels, which kind of scares me. I do how cigar + suit + briefcase = making it real big.

The moral, as usual, is that the people standing around are idiots. Judge not, etc. Of course, I might be inclined to call someone a dunce if his name is "Dimley." And really, dropping out of high school doesn't particularly reflect well on a person--the question, really, is why did Dimley drop out? But I wouldn't necessarily call someone who made it real big a "genius," either.

That road looks scary to drive on

Today's strip annoys me because we're clearly supposed to be like, "Oh, kids! They think they're so smart when they don't know anything!" But nothing the kid is saying is wrong. When you're first learning to do something, you're much more aware of everything that goes into it. Once you get used to it, though, you don't notice. True, kids get into a lot more accidents than adults, but it's not from being overly cautious, like this kid. Backseat drivers are never fun, but I certainly have no problem with Wombo here. The father's pissing me off, though. Dude, if you learned to ride a skateboard, you probably would've lectured him on how to do it properly.

Naturally, though, I'm happy about the return of the black convertible.

The kids only look a few years younger than those actors

In the past, I know that I've said that I read the strip and my only response was "No." After reading today's strip...my reaction is that "No," only multiplied by, like, a million. I mean, seriously. What? (And it depresses me to be reduced to writing like this, as it feels too Scaduto-like.)

So...what? Huh? At least he's blatant in acknowledging that the readers of this strip are old. Because, really, when was the last time kids played cowboys and Indians (though notice that, ever the epitome of political correctness, Al calls it "played cowboys")? Maybe kids in the early 60s. Though I suppose it could be more recent. I don't remember playing cowboys as a child, but then, I wasn't a little boy. Kids today could be playing cowboys, but I try to avoid contact with children.

Anyway, it's logical that little boys playing would call each other "men"--that's how they want to be seen. In the movies, do they really call each other "boys"? The only cowboy movie that's come out lately (hee hee, "come out") is Brokeback Mountain, which I doubt Al (or his readers) saw. Before that, there were a few that came out in the mid-90s (Unforgiven, Wyatt Earp, The Quick and the Dead), but it's hardly a popular genre these days.

I do love that the viewer in the bottom panel is so completely disgusted as he thinks "Boys?" Mister, try being 28 years old and have people not infrquently refer to you as a "girl." Shut up, Al. Also, the cowboys in the movie are gross-looking. (Hey, if you call me a "girl" I'll act like one.)

Wouldn't The Late, Late, Late, Late Show really be The Early Show?

I am happy. Why? Because today's strip marks the return of Fignewt, my favorite of Scaduto's names. Woo hoo! Although at the same time, I'm annoyed at the return of the use of cobwebs to signify that someone hasn't moved in a long time. Of course, the question is, why is Fignewt up to see Leadbutt watching The Late, Late, Late, Late Show? Shouldn't he have gone to bed ages ago?

So anyway, we have a case of "Do as I say, not as a I do," but really, Fignewt should do his homework, not watch television. And that's the beauty of being an adult--you can stay up until all hours watching television! Whee!

Al does get kisses, though, for the "blows his toupee" comment.

A lesson in weight loss

Today's strip marks the reappearance of Rotunda, last seen almost a month ago. She sure has lost some weight since then (and remember, kids, that it's not healthy to lose weight that quickly!). I wouldn't say that she's "gorging" herself on those free samples; it looks like she took one from each. Of course the samples are things that aren't good for her (clotted cheese?), but you know what, Al? That's OK. The thing with trying to lose weight is that you don't necessarily have to cut unhealthy food out of your life altogether. It's all about portion control. There's nothing wrong with having a cookie or two; you just want to avoid having, you know, 10 or 12. It's one thing if Rotunda is actually on a "special strict diet," but I get the feeling that N. Fioretta isn't talking about people on particularly strict diets. Weight Watchers does allow for pizza, folks.

I do love the return of the totally insane food, though. Sausage pizza? Good. Normal. Tasty. But "sauteed squid and clotted cheese wrapped in pork rind with mayo and bacon sauce"? Awesome. I've heard of clotted cream, so I supposed clotted cheese is possible, but what is it with Al and squid? It's like his go-to nasty food (because he apparently hasn't tried calamari). But at least that's something that they really would have to give out samples of in order to convince people to buy it. Or is that a recipe you'd make at home? I'm trying to imagine what the product would be called.